in lieu of running, i have decided to blog post. it's the crack of dawn on this Sunday morning and i'm anxiously soaking in the last hints of the night. my body is exhausted still but my mind is already hard at work processing these confusing emotions on my heart.
why are you sad, little heart?
why do you hurt?
it's like there's this incredible weight on my heart, dragging me into a deep abyss of self-doubt and fear. Lord, can You please carry some of this hurt? it is so much to bear. i am starting to ask, yet again, why i've waited. why i've trusted. why i'm walking through this life, completely set on Your provision, when it seems that i barely have enough faith at times to trust that the outcome is good. and worthwhile. Abba, carry me, i pray, as i am saddened by this society which does not wait for anything. Father, help me to keep trusting You even when i want the momentary pleasures that this world will sacrifice its very soul to taste, the honey that is sweet to the lips yet sinks down and destroys. Christ, come in and fill me where the emptiness seeks to consume the longing i have for that which i cannot experience yet. Jehovah, create in me a pure heart and renew a steadfast spirit within me, grant me a courage which will not surrender to the flesh. may i remain strong in Your love, Lord.
this is my prayer. hear the cry of my heart, Lord.